OUR LOVE STORY:
Michael James Simmons (10/16/60-06/14/10)
& LauraSue Gutierrez-Simmons.
In October of 2009 my fiancé Mike was diagnosed with stage-four
stomach cancer that had spread to his liver. At that very moment, sitting in
that little room in the doctor’s office, we just looked at each other kind of
bewildered. How do you possibly take this news? I felt like a horse had just
kicked me in the stomach and I could not breathe. Mike just looked at me and I
tried my best not to cry. He was so strong. We left that horrid place, which I
now hated as if it was the offices fault that he had cancer and drove home. He
was all business, “It will be okay, we will get through this. I guess we have
got to tell the kids.” I just drove and stared straight ahead and repeated over
and over in my head, “Please God this cannot be happening.” Mike told the kids
without even a crack in his voice. He knew he was in a battle for his life and
he was so determined he was going to win. And that is when his lesson began.
Mike, by just being himself, was teaching me a lesson of strength, hope, and
determination even if I did not realize it yet.
First calling family to share the news and then came the
questions, “what now, what’s next, what are we going to do?” Off to the biggest
cancer center in up-state New York for treatment. I stood in amazement as I
watch a family spring into action, a testimony to what love truly is and
another lesson. They rallied around Mike like a sports team rallies around
their champion. I saw what a family really was; if there were differences they
were not evident. They loved Mike more than that; they came together as a family
unit. He stayed in that hospital while they did their tests and chose his chemo
“cocktail”. While he was there, we worked together to disinfect the house so he
could come home to a sterile environment. Soon he was released and they were
able to transfer his treatment to a local cancer office to make it easier on
us.
Our journey had begun. Christmas came and Mike asked if we
should decorate, I just wasn’t feeling much in the holiday spirit. So one day
when I went grocery shopping, Mike put up the Christmas tree, lights, and
decorations. I walked into quite a sight, he had duct taped the lights all the
way around the living room. I just sat down and laughed with tears in my eyes, I
was mad that he decorated; I was worried that he had tired himself out. But how
could anyone possibly be mad when they were sitting in a room with Christmas
lights duct taped to the walls. I loved him so much at that moment, he could
always put a smile on my face, and now I refer to it as our “duct-tape
Christmas”.
Mike responded well
to the treatments, he only lost his hair for a short while then it started to
grow back which even surprised the doctors. His liver started to clear up, the
tumors were disappearing, he was responding well to the chemo. On a sad note,
we had to have the family dog, Sapphire put down which was very heartbreaking
and strange, she seemed to have gotten sick right around the time Mike did.
Just shows you how connected animals are to their owners. In January we went
ice fishing with his son and daughter, we had a great day. It was times like
this that you could almost forget that he was sick, he never acted sick. He was
so strong and he had all the determination in the world, he would not let
cancer win or steal away his zest for life, another lesson he taught me.
The next few months went on like this. We still took our
walks, holding hands and talking about anything and everything. Mike still cut
wood and mowed the lawn. We still went to lake Ontario and took the boat out
salmon fishing. He had told me that the chemo knocked him down for a few days
but when it wore off he felt so alive and just wanted to live like a normal
person. But I knew the truth; Mike was no normal human, he was an angel that graced
the lives of everyone who knew him. He taught me so much, he helped me grow, he
taught me the true meaning of strength and hope, and he taught me what
unconditional love really was. Less than a month before he passed away we went
to an Alan Jackson concert and I can tell you that was the most special night
in my life, we had so much fun, enjoying each other, singing, laughing and
being in love.
Then the inevitable, Mike’s blood count was no longer good
enough to receive chemo. He started to get sick again. It all was happening so
fast. On Sunday night June 6th, he suggested we go apply for our
marriage certificate and I said okay with happiness and nervousness all mixing
together. I know we wanted to get married more than anything in the world, but
it was the urgency in which he said it that made me nervous, like he knew
something bad was about to happen. I guess he knew. Monday June 7th
we applied for our marriage license. Tuesday morning he started throwing up
blood so I ran him to the emergency room. They admitted him and started to work
on him trying anything they could to stop the bleeding. His main cancer doctor
came and got him released and sent him for radiation. Wednesday we had another
radiation appointment which he handled well until we were on our way home, Mike
started getting sick again. I rushed him to the doctor’s office, which was
closer than the hospital, crying uncontrollably saying “No God, Please don’t
take him...Please God.” They started to give him some medicine in the office
while they called the ambulance. The girls in the office had become like family
to us and they were also crying. So back to the hospital where they once again
admitted him. His family came immediately. Thursday Mikes brother and I went
around getting everything ready for us to get married; he also knew what it
meant to Mike and me that we get married. Everything was in order by Friday
morning June 11, 2010.
It took a lot to orchestrate the day but a lot of people worked
together and our dream came true. The hospital agreed to release Mike so he
could be at home. The ambulance drivers agreed to take us to the cancer office
where we were meeting the judge who was coming from the next town to wed us.
When we pulled up to the cancer office, all the staff came out to witness our
vows and they handed me a bouquet they had made for me. With Mike’s brother and
his wife, the nurses and doctors all bearing witness, Mike and I were married.
I will forever keep all of these people in my prayers because they were so instrumental
in making our dream come true. It was better than any story I have ever read,
it was my fairytale wedding to the man I loved more than anything in this
world.
Saturday was a good day. All of Mike’s family and childhood
friends had come to be with him, he was aware, laughing, and chatting. Then
that night he became extremely ill, we called Hospice and the on-call nurse
came as fast as he could. He was the most caring man, he was gentle with Mike,
and he spoke to all of us with such compassion. He said the time was growing
close and the best we could do was try to keep Mike comfortable. Sunday was a
somber day but Mike in all his strength was still trying to fight teaching me
another lesson. Fight until the end and never give up. That is when my
sister-in-law, who had lost a fiancé, told me it was time to tell him it was
okay to leave. She said he was holding on for the kids and me, and I had to
tell him we would be all right, that it was okay to go now. And I did as she
said. I told him his father and his dog, Sapphire, were waiting in the boat to
go fishing with him when he got to Heaven. I held him close and whispered in
his ear that we would all be okay, that he was the best husband and I loved him
more than life itself, and that he could let go now. That night I lay down in
bed with him and held his hand as we slept. And on Monday morning June 14, 2010
as I awoke Mike took his last breath. God took him home and all of our lives
were forever changed.
I needed to share our story, first to be able to let everyone
know what a special person Mike was and secondly, to inspire people with his
strength, hope and determination in the face of overwhelming odds. I also want
to add one more note of encouragement, Mike was 23 years sober when he passed
away and I was 3 years sober and have remained sober. During one of those long
talks we used to have, Mike asked me if I could promise him that I would stay
sober and not let his dying send me back into addiction. I said, “God willing,
yes I will do my best to stay sober.” And by the Grace of God, I have kept that
promise.
My heart is still broken and I still break down and cry but
I am strong. I learned by Mike’s example how to remain strong and fight no
matter what life throws my way. I hope that anyone who takes the time to read
this also learns that lesson. Stay strong.
06/14/2012
~Two years since you went to be God~I miss you so much Mike~You
have my love always~
